Have you ever been in a situation you just wanted some peace, calm and quiet away from the crazy world outside?

View yourself in a mixed crowd of people with half of them going nowhere specific, all they do each morning is wake up without so much as a splash of water on the face, or toothpaste to the teeth, set out to the corner of the street, with a sachet of alcohol in one hand and a Pepsi plastic bottle tucked into a pocket behind, walking the length of the junction or street corner, looking for who to brush past or harass and move on to the next victim.

I have to swim through these groups every other morning to get to the point I can catch a ride to work. Thankfully, I don’t make up their jurisdiction. Pheww. Imagine surviving that, getting into a bus of ‘seemingly’ sane people, only to meet a young man with beards that need a barber’s touch be nasty! Actually the beards have been shaven but it seemed with a blunt instrument. Well, I had no hand in that, so why was he nasty to me?!

He got into the bus before me (you know those 8-seater buses), I call them “Ilesha buses” because that’s where I saw them first. My Ilesha peeps, have mercy o! Mbok. On getting into the bus, I was trying to sit beside him and the driver moved, so I sort of slumped into the chair and ‘Unku’ moved himself to assert ownership of the zone and I said, “Please, take it easy.” He goes, “Do you want me to go out through the window?”

I’m only asking you to take it easy. Should I leave this seat, would it make you feel better?

What’s my own?  Am I paying for the seat?

Probably, you want to, so you feel more comfortable.

And he goes on and on about how he didn’t even touch me and I’m wondering whose elbow was nudging me immediately I sat. When all I needed was to sit first before he started moving and claiming territories. I could see he was upset about something and this was purely “transferred things”. So I say to him, “I’m not the reason you are upset and I can see you are a nasty fellow.” Yes, I said it. And he responded back to me. Told him, he was a man (meaning he should have stopped talking by now), but he went on and on. I did the next best thing, I left him to the seat behind which was comfortable and free of the nagging man.

The good book says “It is better to stay on the rooftop than to live with a quarrelsome man”. I took the advice o! Did I tell you he had the last say? At this point, I’m sober and wondering who has gotten this young man to this point. What do I know? At least, I achieved that initial peace I was looking for, away for ‘Unku’.

Picture source: mintyfreshmangos, DeviantArt.

@imanikel 250919 Frances Kelvin Otung


What women want and more…

My Dear About-To-Be-Born Son,

I’m not sure what your future daddy will say to you about women, perhaps he will say; be gentle. Be nice. Give gifts. Make her laugh. Make her feel loved. Be her hero or knight! Listen to what she’s not saying. Listen to what she’s saying – (Which one, I don’t know! If you ask me). Help her out in the kitchen once in a while. Do the laundry or change the baby’s diaper. Breakfast in bed, occasionally would be nice even if it’s not Mother’s Day.

Perhaps, he will say, “When she says NO, she means NO!”

I’m a woman, I know NO means NO, especially when it has to do with sexual activity. First of all, you have no business being in a house you haven’t received access to. I won’t encourage sexual escapades. I’m not sure what your generation will turn out to be, but some values are worth keeping till it’s time for the unveiling.

However, I’ll teach you something that even we don’t understand yet. As your wife, understand that her body runs on a different time and the time may not click with yours. If she’s saying NO to you, check to be sure that you have not committed any ‘sin’ which is the reason why you are getting a NO.

Sin? Yes o…you may have forgotten to compliment her dress or hair. Though you licked the plate clean, you didn’t voice it out to her hearing that the food was delicious. When last did you show her off to your friends or give her a “just-the-two-of-us-smile” across the room and she got the meaning instantly?

Sometimes, a simple HUG goes a long way to say “I gat you! I understand how you feel. My shoulders are always here for you. You can depend on these arms to hold you up! The world is going bonkers, but in here is warmth, peace and all that makes you glad.” That may be all she needs, son. A simple hug and then like water in its iced state, some warmth begin to melt it little by little, till it is fluid to your touch.

Other times, she needs you to be her girlfriend and just listen to her tell you about her day and be supportive. Did I tell you a peck does wonders too?! She may let you kiss her eventually, but if she doesn’t, enjoy the peck and make her feel loved regardless.

You will have to discover her for yourself. But in all you do, show her RESPECT, respect her space, her voice, her suggestions (never make her feel like she made a stupid suggestion, there’s always sense in nonsense – find it!)

After doing all, stand and bear proudly the title my son I’m proud of. I love you, baby and this is from one woman to another – your future babe.

@imanikel 240919 Frances Kelvin Otung (c)