Tag Archives: Humour

Why I love my country…

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I might get stoned for this, but hey, it’s my opinion so you go get yours! I was discussing with Oba the other day and we realized (yet again) that Nigeria is just a sweet place to live in. I tell you no lie.

  • Has the dollar rates come down? No!
  • Is the cost of living better now? On the contrary, harsher.
  • Are our policies being followed through without hitches and endless bureaucracy? Nope
  • With all the plenty churches, prayer centres and mosques around, have all our prayers been answered? Not yet.
  • Seeing we have ample foodstuff, mineral and human resources, are we better off? You know nah

So what is the craze about my country?

It is in the way we make jokes, home-movies and songs out of every situation.

I refuse to mention names, you are chuckling already because you know them.

The intelligent way we discuss national issues on radio and TV (sometimes).

I’m not talking about political discussions o! I mean when forward thinking people proffer solutions.

Sadly, I don’t think that the leadership have people that work with them listening up for creative ways to change and move this country forward. They should.

It is the fun things we do to ease tension.

The bus-conductor and his passengers plus driver.

The Okada with the horn of a trailer.

Nah only for Naija, dis dey happen.

The road marshals (including agberos) and the very creative ways some collect levies from motorists. Hmmm, this one is something else.

It is the beautiful places surrounding us, the many talented people we have here, the many fun activities that are available week in and out.

It is in the different foods she has to offer. The well-dressed guest to a wedding reception that is neither friend nor family to the bride or groom or their friends’ friend!

Was passing by and saw an opportunity to eat free food and collect souvenir, the guy/babe turned in!

It is the ready-to-help-you-with-answer to any question attitude, even the one they know nothing of.

Hyenana indeed! LOL

Nigeria SHA!

Proudly Nigeria

(c) 2017. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved.

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I just got married again!

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King-Earl walks in on us (Oba & I) in the kitchen discussing and working. He goes, “are you guys dating?” We looked at each other, smiled and I proceeded to tell Oba about someone in school that wanted to date me and I asked the fellow what dating was, since he was my friend already. He couldn’t really give me an answer then. I suspected he meant ‘intimacy’, so, I turned him down. I concluded this story by saying, “I still don’t understand what dating is”.

All this while, King-Earl was still in the kitchen with us, so he replies “Dating, is taking someone out to a special place that is really, really awesome!” We were awestruck by his definition, but that was the beginning of this drama.King Earl

King-Earl: Mom! Do you take this man as your Royal husband? I curtseyed and replied “yes, I do, your Highness!”
He then turns to Oba, “Dad! Do you take this woman as your normal wife…” At this point, I interjected and said, “I’m not normal, I’m supernatural.”
King-Earl continues…Do you take this woman as your lovely wife?”
Oba: Yes, I do.
Me: So, what next?
King-Earl: Let’s go to the kissing part
We kissed lightly and laughed at the “go to the kissing part.” Imani walks in, wanting to know the reason for the laughter, we tell her, she shakes her head and walks away. King-Earl continues, “but that’s what the pastor does! I know the rules” running away to his room.

#LyricalMonday – Mayah

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Mayah is my baby, my son has his eyes on her …Mmeme and Ziya, take note. So we have had several discussions every morning she stops by the office before heading to her creche. This was one of such days. By the next poem, I will take you to the next level of our conversation. Enjoy!

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©2016. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved

Dollars and Sharing thingz

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I don’t get it! When will you change your method of operation? Has it not occurred to you that we are in the 21st Century and if your Voodoo priest is still giving you the same story lines, then maybe you need a new priest or one that is on the internet, at least educated with the times we are in.

These were the same lines he gave to Mr. P and it didn’t work. Maybe it did, if not you wouldn’t have joined the bandwagon. But if you ask me, I think it’s lame, you are lame too for believing it and more lame is the greedy fellow that keeps falling for your very poorly scripted story played by 3 actors only.

Okay! I’m done with the steam now. So what happened?

Many years ago in Port-Harcourt (3 instances) and 1 in Lagos, 3 different cabs picked me up and the following discussion ensued immediately I was picked.

1st Instance:
I got into a cab with my ear-piece on, listening to my discman. I was headed to Artillery Junction from Rumukwurushi, the other occupants were busy having discussion in the car and we got before Shell Camp, the driver parked and his partner-in-crime got down with him and they returned complaining about a carton of Dollars behind, where did he get the money from and they wanted to share it. I ignored them and continued listening to the discman and when they noticed I didn’t buy into their game, the driver tapped me at about Rumuibekwe and said he wasn’t going my way anymore, that I should get down. LOL. Ole!

2nd Instance:
Same scenario, but this time I was going to work, so I began praying in tongues and I prayed out loud. And they quickly told me to get down, I refused, that they must drop me at our negotiated destination (of course I was looking for their trouble, so they could enter the traffic jam and burn a bit of petrol) but they had obviously calculated that they won’t get anything from me, so it was better I got down fast and they chased another victim.

3rd Instance:
Oga, I wan drop for “Our Men of Power Ministries”

I was seated behind with a female Youth Corper (new-to-town apparently). Immediately I looked up and saw a sign board that had the name above (can’t remember the exact name, but it was some church signboard by the road side) and for some reason I felt he just read it off the board, because it didn’t roll off his tongue.

Driver parks and says “pay me my money”, and this creep continues, “I wan go call my brother to come help me carry the load for back”. Driver gets down to help him and returns looking ‘upset’, “You sey you no get money, who get all the money for boot?”.

Immediately I heard that, I tapped on the Corper and said “Sweetheart, let’s get down here. Driver, we want to drop.” I didn’t know her name, so ‘Sweetheart’ was good enough. The driver insisted that he was headed our way, I insisted we were not going again and got down. The passenger aka Mr Creep, didn’t drop again, but zoomed off with the driver.

All these happened many years ago, but last week in Lagos, they picked a friend’s maid and she made them look more stupid than they already are.

She told them she wasn’t interested in their Dollars, as she doesn’t have where to hide it.

They asked about her employees, their kind of jobs, if she had an account with up to N50,000 in it. You want to give her $500, why are you asking her for N50,000? They said they needed a place to pray for the money before sharing, she advised them that her Aunty worked for a church, maybe they can go there and have them pray for the money. But she needs to drop off because her wards will soon be home from school. Eventually, as the owner of the money made to drop and check something behind, she quickly got out and slammed their door and they hurried away.

They probably would have hurt her, but God save the day. My point is, why do they keep using the same storylines? Get a new script-writer to work on your lines, maybe it will work on the greedy ones but for me and the rest of us not interested in your cheap dollar, go get a real job!

©2016. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved

#ThankfulThursday – Humour

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I hear things like “you are very mischievous or why are you so mischievous?” and I smile because I know I am or can be. I don’t know if there is a negative or positive mischief, if there’s none – then I’ve invented one. I love it that I find humour in that which was intended to upset me … sometimes. Actually King is good at this. Do I get upset? Yes, sometimes, but of course I know it’s a joke.

I enjoy watching people’s reaction when I do or say what I do or say. I enjoy the ‘innocence’ with which I try to keep a straight face, as opposed to the shock on your face. Can I do comedy in front of people…No! I just draw it up, share with King and we laugh our hearts out.

Today, I’ve had series of fun and I feel so alive. Yes, they say the “Economy is biting hard”, I don’t know if Economy’s teeth is complete, don’t worry, I won’t open its’ mouth to check or count the teeth. But I’m suggesting to the Economy, instead of biting, why don’t you try smiling? And that’s my 2 cents! Adios.

Thankful Thursday_260516

©2016. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved

Freedom Friday

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It’s funny how we start something and later on get pre-occuppied with other stuffs. In my heart, I have written a million Freedom Fridays. Oops I just remembered that I had promised Folakemi that today’s Freedom Friday would be dedicated to King Earl’s painting maybe we will do that next week as I totally forgot to bring the paintings along. It is not a Van Gogh but someday, it will be in a class of its own for that I’m totally convinced. I’m glad SeasonedSistah2 is faithfully maintaining her Freedom Friday. Check out what she wrote today.

So what am I on about today?

Oh lalaIt is easy to tell. VALENTINE and Elections. Yup! Boring combo right? But it’s my day and you have to make do with what I am free about…smiling mischievously to myself. Hahahahahahhahahahaha. I saw all manner of DPs some weeks back when Elections was scheduled for 14th February. Guys were dancing ‘Alanta’, ‘Etighi’ and ‘Shoki’ that Government plus INEC had freed them from the financial travails associated with the day. One wonders who put them under that bondage in the first place. Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock!

If I were a boy (like Beyonce sang) I would get down on my knees (my version) and say, help me precious Jesus, make Elections take place that day!

But none did and now Elections have been shifted. So guess who’s doing that dance now? Well, there are ways to free yourself…check the library or Google and you will see solutions on how to escape spending on Val’s Day.

20150206_12004420150206_120106Now to the Election part of my gist. I was on my way to a function and upon lifting my eyes from my phone, I noticed that they were some dark banners on the way and my colleague mentioned that they were actually someone’s campaign banner that was messed up apparently by the opposition party. I’m wondering how low and dirty will we get before we realise that all these silly acts and actions speak a lot about our true nature to our voting public. Well, redeem yourself and repent from such – you are not scoring any points on our cards if you continue this way. A word is enough for the wise. By the way threats don’t help either!

In a twist of Irony, I caught both parties on camera – check the bus and the poster 🙂 20150206_150045

PS: I don pin, uPin? Let’s pin and stay United for Peace in Nigeria.

Lip Pix courtesy: http://happyvalentinesday2015wishes.in/happy-valentines-day-2015-hindi-songs-top-10-romantic-songs-hd-video/

© 2015. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved.