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Guilty or Not?

Guilty or Not?

It’s funny how when you are in the strangest of places some truths hit you. And guess where I was… in the ladies’ fixing my very Afro kinky hair, trying to subdue nations with hair-pins and corsages. And it hit me!

What if I’m the guilty one? Guilty about what you are asked. What if all the while I put the blame wrongly on someone else and let others encourage me to do same, that is – shift the blame squarely on another just so I get the ‘it-wasn’t-about-you-feeling’, I was the guilty one?

Most times, we are told by many inspirational speakers and pastors that “he walked out of the relationship because it wasn’t meant to be”, “You were too good for him”, “and the problem was with him and not you!”

Do a re-think.

What if YOU were the problem?

What if YOU were not good enough for him?

What if HE tried and it didn’t work and there was no way out except out?

And all the other ‘what-ifs’?

I know this is hard to swallow, but my line of thought today is, before you send that hate mail to and throw invectives on your EX and throw a pity-party for yourself about how you wasted your time, money, love and honey on some ‘worthless’ being.

Think it through.

Was there anything you could have done better?

A better response than the usual one you always gave him?

A more tender approach than your forceful must-be-my-way method?

Your need for love or lack of it may have made you too clingy or too hardened. And all that was required was either a woman who knew her own or one who knew when to be a woman…all soft and feminine allowing her Romeo be the King that he is (when necessary) and taking charge when it called for that. The beauty about being unique this woman, is knowing when to create that balance…that is to be feminine or firm. I’m not advocating for push-overs…no way.

She needs your strength…to be able to point at you with pride and say that’s my man…that’s someone who will defend me in the face of any trouble. And yet you are tender towards her, not using her to vent your frustrations from the office or lack of work.

He needs you to be a strong woman, at the same time very supple and feminine, even when you are a Voice to be reckoned with at the Marketplace.

When all has been said and done, you have weighed yourself and found him/her wanting, honey, just keep moving they weren’t meant for you in the first place. And if anyone wants to be wise on both ends (the leaving and the left-behind), please learn the lessons, get better and move on.

…And so I ask, are you guilty or not guilty?

© 2014 Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved.