When Does It Stop?

When does what stop?!

I could list a number of things that references this question, but I’ll focus today’s rhetoric on parents and their children.

Growing up, I’ve experienced several ‘you can’t do this, you can’t have that, you can’t touch this?’ These days everywhere you turn, from the motivational speakers to the pastors, a bell constantly rings in your head, saying ‘you can do this, greater works than this shall you do!’ You couldn’t touch the car, except you where washing it. God help you if your parent came out to check what you were doing and you are comfortably seated in the front seat. How??? 😲 As a matter of fact, a mother just said to her daughter on TV, “there’s nothing you can’t do or achieve.” Now, I’m wondering at what point did the world change this much?

Last night as we were analyzing a particular scenario, I said to Emma “you’ll need to follow your grandma the way she is – she’s old school but I’m not new either, but a mix of both!” “I know mother,” came the response. So I planned on redyeing my hair and my mum nearly had a fit when she saw the final outcome on the pack. She said to me, ‘shey you plan to wear a wig this colour.’ No, I intend for my hair to be that colour, though because it’s black, I won’t get the fiery copper colour.’ She still indicated her disapproval. But what must be done will be done.

Before we began the process, she had gone to bed and we dyed the hair which like I earlier noted wasn’t fiery. I showed it to her in the morning and she exclaimed, “it’s still black, I’m sure you didn’t do it well.” “But I had told you it won’t be that bright.”

As I write, I recall wanting to sew a 3 quarter skirt and she said I shouldn’t, but sewed it for my junior sister. I recall when dreads came out newly, she was very vehement in her protest about me not doing it and reeled out a small list of her friends who wanted to do the hair and she protested and they didn’t, why should her child do otherwise? 🤷‍♀️

Now after marriage and a teen, I’m still being instructed on what to do and not. So, I ask, when does it stop? When do you stop being that little baby they gave birth to decades ago, because with the value systems we grew under, it would be disrespect to go ahead.

Let’s hear how you managed your own situation as I need help fast. 🏃‍♀️

@imanikel 031023 Frances Kelvin Otung (c)

#ThoughtfulTuesday

Where are my thoughts this warm Tuesday afternoon…on my Lagos of course! Someone would think I hold shares in the way wealth is distributed in Lagos by my claims, “My Lagos!” But you see, I used to live in the Garden City aka Port-Harcourt and ever since I relocated by force abi nah choice (I don’t know again), I tried adjusting to Lagos speed-life and couldn’t (or so I thought). But by the time I went to visit Port-Harcourt, the City felt too slow for me. I just couldn’t cope! 😮

Now, I can comfortably say I’m a Lasgidi person but there are things that I still don’t get that put me off. Here goes some of the complains:

1. The always wet street, because Iya (somebody) is cooking rice or ewa (beans) for her numerous clients by the corner and it’s only natural to pour the pepper-water on the tar or sand in front of the shop, but definitely in the middle of the road. So, the LG chairman ensured the road was patched with interlocking stones, but Iya Somebody still pours her pepper-water faithfully like libation. Mtschewwww 😋
2. The ‘normal’ habit of conductors, market women, a passer-by speaking to you in Yoruba, because you are in Lagos and therefore must speak Yoruba. For these sets, when they do, I respond in English to enquire what they are talking about and trust a typical Yoruba person to bad-mouth me because I don’t understand, that’s when I go FBI (Full Blooded Ibibio) babe and respond in my language, “Abo di e?” So both of us are stuck in a field of no-experience. Unlike the ‘Field of Experience’ in Communication, where interaction is achieved. 😌
3. Why do bus drivers or bikes always have the desire to buy fuel, when you are rushing to work, or stop to gauge their tires.
   Speaking of which I’m reminded of an incident yesterday. So, we managed to secure occupancy in a bus headed our way and the ‘Uncle’ decided to pump his tires. He passed a vulcanizer who was relatively free and went to his ‘customer’ who was patching another vehicle’s tire, with a trailer waiting in line (to do who-knows-what) and our bus was number 3 – on a Monday morning in Lagos (Ajah) traffic 😳 One of the occupants in our bus, ‘Aunty’, dared to complain about this stopping, which would make her go late. The ‘Uncle’ responded in a very angry and rude manner, that if she doesn’t like, she should come down and collect her money. Trust ‘Aunty’, she subsequently demanded for her refund. As if drawn by some unseen spirits 8 persons joined ‘Aunty’ to drop. The conductor returned their monies to them, but used ‘Aunty’ to do ring-a-ring-a-roses (she didn’t stop following him and demanding for her money because the driver didn’t know how to speak to someone). The conductor kept at it, till the vulcanizer seeing our forlorn faces skipped the trailer and attended to us! Pheww 😅 Just as we drove out of that spot, ‘Aunty’ was still by the bus-stop yet to find another vehicle. Remember, I told you it was a Monday morning and you swallow your pride on Mondays, as bus no dey dey! I don’t buy into the rudeness arena but when it comes to a Monday morning and I’m carrying an extra bag which is heavy because of content, I’m humble o! Did I also mention that the driver was initially nasty to me too, I ignored.

Well, my Lagos isn’t so bad (sometimes) but that’s where the life is. Share a bit of your ‘Lagos’ or world with me. I’m keen on discovering it with you!

@imanikel 021121 (c) Frances Kelvin Otung

I’m In Love With A Cook!

You see, I usually don’t get hungry or eat before 11am and any day I do that, then something unusual had happened. I’ll leave the reasons for another day. Before, you begin your sermon on “breakfast is the most important meal of the day”, can I be excused briefly from this Master class? Thank you.

To make matters worse, I don’t love bread (just like my dad 😌) except it is toasted and has some messages inside that I have to decode, then you’ve got me! By the way, those ‘coded messages’ should not make my bread soggy or else, I won’t eat it.

Imagine my shock and much to my delight this morning when I asked Oba to help me with eggs and sausage and the helping took a while as I dressed up, only to see toasted bread in my food pack 😳. I lifted the bread to be sure the eggs were there…after all that’s the request.
Eggs? ✅
Sausage? ✅
And I dropped back the bread with a mild protest of “I may likely not eat this because it will get soggy!”
Oba responds, “It’s toasted bread, baby!”
I can see that, but it’s still hot and by the time I get to the office, it will be. I protested.

Fast forward to office scenario:
The bread started calling my name just before work began, I still had time on my hands, I simply ignored it. After all, I don’t get hungry before 11am. Next thing, I knew, I brought the pack out to keep it close so I can delve into it when it’s time but alas, the sounds grew stronger and stronger and with each cry to be redeemed, my defenses fell apart. I hate to admit.

I began thinking about giving you this gist with half a piece gone, but by the time I got to typing the title, the whole slice had disappeared.
Boy! That was delicious!
After adding some messages inside, he pan-toasted the bread. So I didn’t get a hard-crust toasted bread, but a succulent, soft and now decoded bread with my eggs and sausage till awaiting demolition at a later hour.

So you see why I’m in love with the cook, because he knew my button and he pressed it well, till I broke my own law!

It’s #ThankfulTuesday and I have someone to thank God for and he is all mine!

PS: When I told Oba “I’m in love with a cook”, he asked me which one? And I asked him how many he knew. He listed Udy of @foodtopiaud and Idong of @idy_lacremecakes, but left himself out.
This is just you babes! And it’s a double!

#UnapologeticallyMe

@imanikel 051021 (c) Frances Kelvin Otung

Meditation helps

Oba is away for a while to address work and settle family matters. This means we get to relate mostly via phone. The question begs, when someone you relate with everyday, like almost every other hour is not in proximity with and to you, how do you keep the fire burning, their touch close or their voices within ear shot?

You think about them!
Yes, have your mind full of their thoughts, voices and everything that reminds you of them. To the point that, if you had a question you would have asked them for their opinions, you can easily tell what their responses would be because you have your mind full of them. Therefore, you will hear a voice say “this is the way, walk in it!”

Little wonder, the Bible enjoins us “to mediate on it day and night and observe to do according to all that is written”, to “think on these things”, and to be “as the man thinks in his heart”

The word meditation comes from the Latin word meditārī, which has a range of meanings including to reflect on, to study, and to practice. It is the act of remaining in a silent and calm state for a period of time, as part of a religious training, or so that you are more able to deal with the problems of everyday life. It is also the act of thinking about something very carefully and deeply for a long time.

I’m not dealing with the yoga-kind of meditation here, just a simple clearing or better put decluttering your mind of unnecessary thoughts that are not progressive to your health, well-being, relationships with their spouses or others, work, family, dreams/aspirations and focusing on those thoughts that are!

The fact that people most and generally do not give time to “thinking” (meditating) on each aspect of their lives as they ought to. Thinking on (investing thoughts) these parts of our lives actually means fuelling life into them, and breathing on them to live.

If we can commit to thinking deeply (meditate), on everything we hope to see life happen on another level just as we want it to, I’m sure they will come alive just the way we see them in the place of meditation.

Meditation implies investing thoughts, it is a SEED planted, you can plant, then nurture daily by thinking a step deeper and deeper, until the desired end is achieved.

I love this aspect, it does not have to happen immediately, but being consistent in adding a thought on the positives side, and deepening every passing day, births the positive giant we wish to see

Let’s do right by peace, joy and love today, create that atmosphere around you, carry it wherever you are! Let your meditation be on that which is lovely, true, honest, has virtue and is of a good report. Who agrees to this mind change? Let’s see it in your action!😘

@imanikel 27102020 Frances Kelvin Otung

Tuesday Thoughts – Common Sense

©2017. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved

 

#TuesdayThoughts – Focus!

Focused people are likely to be termed as rude, unfriendly or unapproachable because they will ignore you till they are done with the matter at hand.

More often than naught you hear a parent say to their ward, ‘FOCUS!’ Knowing toddlers and their propensity to be everywhere at the same time, whilst deriving fun from all those things you think make no sense, it is practically an effort in futility. Ask Peter, and he’d readily recount the inner battles he had, trying to keep his gaze on the Master as he took that first step, as his other senses could feel the wind in his hair, the toss of the wave under his feet. As a matter of fact, it was the turbulence he felt in the place of ‘seeming safety’ (the boat), that sent him seeking a way of escape outside.

How do you focus when the noises within and without is almost louder than the VOICE speaking to you? How do you ‘pretend’ and continue with your trip towards that VOICE, when the trouble is in ya face!!!

©2017 Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved

 

#TuesdayThoughts – Repentance

©2017. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved

#TuesdayThoughts-Appreciation

I hear it’s my birthday today…No, I was told, I was born today many years ago…REWIND…It’s my birthday today…Yippeeeee! Doing the dance and loving it! This is me saying thank you, I appreciate you and I yob you (like my daughter used to say when she was a baby).

©2016. Frances Kelvin Otung. All right reserved

#TuesdayThoughts-Inspirations

Welcome to November…a month of deep minds

My thoughts on Tuesday