Tag: Children

When Does It Stop?

When does what stop?!

I could list a number of things that references this question, but I’ll focus today’s rhetoric on parents and their children.

Growing up, I’ve experienced several ‘you can’t do this, you can’t have that, you can’t touch this?’ These days everywhere you turn, from the motivational speakers to the pastors, a bell constantly rings in your head, saying ‘you can do this, greater works than this shall you do!’ You couldn’t touch the car, except you where washing it. God help you if your parent came out to check what you were doing and you are comfortably seated in the front seat. How??? 😲 As a matter of fact, a mother just said to her daughter on TV, “there’s nothing you can’t do or achieve.” Now, I’m wondering at what point did the world change this much?

Last night as we were analyzing a particular scenario, I said to Emma “you’ll need to follow your grandma the way she is – she’s old school but I’m not new either, but a mix of both!” “I know mother,” came the response. So I planned on redyeing my hair and my mum nearly had a fit when she saw the final outcome on the pack. She said to me, ‘shey you plan to wear a wig this colour.’ No, I intend for my hair to be that colour, though because it’s black, I won’t get the fiery copper colour.’ She still indicated her disapproval. But what must be done will be done.

Before we began the process, she had gone to bed and we dyed the hair which like I earlier noted wasn’t fiery. I showed it to her in the morning and she exclaimed, “it’s still black, I’m sure you didn’t do it well.” “But I had told you it won’t be that bright.”

As I write, I recall wanting to sew a 3 quarter skirt and she said I shouldn’t, but sewed it for my junior sister. I recall when dreads came out newly, she was very vehement in her protest about me not doing it and reeled out a small list of her friends who wanted to do the hair and she protested and they didn’t, why should her child do otherwise? 🤷‍♀️

Now after marriage and a teen, I’m still being instructed on what to do and not. So, I ask, when does it stop? When do you stop being that little baby they gave birth to decades ago, because with the value systems we grew under, it would be disrespect to go ahead.

Let’s hear how you managed your own situation as I need help fast. 🏃‍♀️

@imanikel 031023 Frances Kelvin Otung (c)

Tags Appearance, Bond, Children, Choices, Conflicts, Growing Pains, Parents, relationship, Tuesday Thots

Articles Freedom Fridays

#FreedomFriday – Calm down

Post author By imanikel
Post date August 7, 2020
No Comments on #FreedomFriday – Calm down

I’m not sure how many of us have seen the “calm down” video online that went viral. It’s about a little boy who probably disobeyed his mum and she threatened to punish him. What we saw was a weeping boy negotiating his case with his mum and unlike most motivational speakers today, his emotions were real, he wasn’t negotiating from a “I-heard-it-somewhere” point of view, but from an experiential one.

In my words, ‘Mum, I know you are upset about my bad behaviour. I admit I’ve done this severally and gotten away with it because it’s you nah (in Nigerian pidgin we’d say, ‘nah we we’). But I also know that if you relax, you won’t want to punish me, after all, I’m your loving son. Have you forgotten that you love me? That’s why you pardoned me the previous ones.”

In my words, Mum goes, ‘That’s why I need to carry out the punishment this time because you know my weakness of love towards you and you have been using it as an escape. Not anymore.’

‘I can see this first skill didn’t work, mum. How about you relax on the chair, not in the usual style, try out my method (and he demonstrates what he means, all the while sobbing), you will feel a lot better.’

I had a wonderful time enjoying his conversation even in the midst of his tears with his mum. The part that almost annoyed me, was when I heard that certain people were planning to take the mother up for saying she will punish her child. These persons or groups seem to have forgotten the many serious issues of child rape, abuse, kidnaps etc going on, the domestic battery and violence, the problem of depression from loss of work and no money or lack of proper health care that has allowed many treatable patients pass on to the other side untimely.

With the mighty logs in their eyes, they have left the more important things needing activist attention to disturb the net over a mother that recorded her private negotiation session with her son and put online. If she wanted to punish him, she would have done so without recording it and none of us would know what took place in her home. Apparently, he always makes her these kinds of promises and doesn’t keep them and if she shares the story outside, we won’t believe the young-man is good with negotiation, so she decided to play her home video outside.

If you don’t have anything to do, come I’ll point you in the right direction. Children of these days don’t need to be taught certain skills but encouraged to use it for greater good.

When I told my son to cut our video call, he refused and asked me to do it, I refused too. When his grandmother offered to cut it from his end, my one-liner 8-year son said to her, “that’s inappropriate!” Grandma, went her way o!

It’s #FreedomFriday, what are you on about? Like my mum used to say, “cool ya heart temper!” LOL

@imanikel 07082020 Frances Kelvin Otung

Tags Children, Freedom Friday, Freedom of Speech, Peacemaker, The Art of Negotiation

Nigeria Relationships

Another Form of Child Abuse?

Post author By imanikel
Post date May 16, 2017
3 Comments on Another Form of Child Abuse?

I saw something interesting today. My occasional bus ride to work when I want to beat certain traffic and not get stopped on the way for it, yields me delight every time! Today I had mixed feelings and this is why.

After I got into the vehicle, followed by two other ladies, the last occupant was a girl-child with her school bag, carrying her brother with his school bag behind him and they sat by the door! I could hear the mother’s plea to the Conductor not to leave the door open. But we know in Lagos, it is style to leave the door open, hang on the door or behind the vehicle answering calls as the driver speeds on as if chased by a demon! STYLE!

What the Conductor did was to block where the children sat with his body (his head was in and derriere jutting out for stability) as he collected his charge and gave change. Being concerned for the child, I kept asking him to shut the door, he politely ignored me, at some point the lady beside the girl-child took the brother and positioned him in front of her and it felt a little safe. When a passenger got down by the next stop, the Conductor moved her into a better location. Phew!

Before that move, we saw her brother collect money from her and tried bending down from his tight spot but the lady held him up. He tried it again, this time his sister did the same too. We noticed that they were sticking their balance (apparently for lunch or snack or transport back) into their socks, to prevent it from being stolen! Hmmm. LOL. See wisdom.

Why am I saddened?

She fell asleep during this trip after her relocation to a better seat. I started imagining what time she woke up to prepare for school. I imagined the long trip to school. I imagined how she will ‘drag’ aka ‘compete’ with other bus users (who are going home tired and not in a pleasant mood to allow a child get on the bus before them) for a space on the bus home pulling her brother with her (and their bags). I wondered, why they had to travel this distance to attend a public school unaccompanied, when they had other public schools near their home they could attend.

You might argue that this one is cheaper. But by the time you add the cost of transportation to and fro, the different hazards on the road, you will agree their parents should have a re-think.

Guess what, He is 3 years old and she is 9!

ChildAbuse

Pix credit: Child Abuse

Tags Children, Life, Lifestyle, Preventing Child Abuse

Project Laughter Relationships

WHEN I GROW UP

“How old are you, Mummy?”

Pretending not to hear, I ignored his question.

“Mum!” I said, “How old are you?”

“Sorry, I can’t tell you.”

“But Daddy told me his age”, he informs me

“And you told everyone in your class” his sister interjected.

“I won’t tell anyone”, he defended himself, giving her the eye.

Years from now, will he remember this conversation? Maybe not. Will my age matter to him? I think so, because he told me, “I don’t want you to grow old”. So the idea is he will keep growing to meet up with me and make Ofe his girlfriend (she used to be in his class/school), but I’m banned from getting old.

Someone or something he saw must have told him that when people grow old, they die. Sadly, these days it is not so. I don’t want to fill his head with the intrigues and business of death, so I’ll enjoy every today and tomorrow we have.

“No, I won’t tell you my age, it’s safer that way.” The conversation ended.

Tags Age, Children, growing up, King Earl, King Earl Speaks, Project Laughter

Lyrical Mondays

#LyricalMonday – Mayah’s Thought

Post author By imanikel
Post date November 14, 2016
No Comments on #LyricalMonday – Mayah’s Thought

I totally enjoy talking with babies, children and watching their mannerisms, trying to decipher what they need or are up to. On a visit to Mayah some time back, I read her thoughts…don’t tell her o! LOL

lyricalmonday_141116

Tags Childhood, Children, Humour, Life, Lyrical Monday

Challenge Haiku

Fresh wind delight

I missed out on this challenge last week but decided to attempt it all the same.
My second haiku is in appreciation of my daughter Imani Naomi. Naomi means “pleasant, beautiful, delightful”
https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2016/06/13/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-101-freshwind/

Swinging Leaves

With more than a tease

The soft wind swings fresh leaves to

And fro, oh! Such bliss

You are…

A breath of fresh air

Delightsome, showing you care

My sweet Imani!

IMG-20160608-WA016

Picture Sources: http://www.tianxinqi.com/news/Fresh-Leaves10peqvjmgy

Tags Childhood, Children, imani, Leaves

Change Freedom Fridays Impact

#FreedomFriday – Happy Innocence Day

Post author By imanikel
Post date May 27, 2016
2 Comments on #FreedomFriday – Happy Innocence Day

When I was a child, Innocence used to live in my community

Yes, they were bullies, but also mothers that stood up to resist

And fathers that sent you back to school to return with a trophy

There were mothers who could leave their children for the market

And return to meet them alive and in one piece.

Fathers who taught boys how to be men and not celebrate the beast in them

Fathers who knew to be proud of their legacy, wealthy or not!

Back then, it felt good to be a child, as my short baby dress wasn’t an invitation

But a girl beautifully dressed with ribbons and matching socks…

Trusting fingers clinging to out-stretched adult hands

Giggling as my feet left the ground; above an uncle’s shoulder…

When Innocence was a child like me!

Now Innocence is grown in more ways than she should

The quick movement of retreating eyes tell sordid tales

Of several forms of abuse, unspoken and unreached hurts

Innocence wears a gown not her size, trying desperately to hide

Yet searching ‘Hawks’ snatch her fresh before Momma turns to defend

Making a woman of her, laden with a child. Yet, she herself is one!

I don’t know if Innocence will return…

But I seek all who will her cause defend and Hawks prevent

Will you join me? So we truly have a Happy Children’s day.

*Both male and female gender suffer different forms of abuse and need to be cared for, defended, loved and made to enjoy their innocence. Let’s be the voice of the new-born, 3-month baby who can’t form words yet or the one whose truth is disbelieved.

**We still have parents that believe in family values and uphold them at every given opportunity.

Tags Childhood, Children, Children's Day, Innocence, pain, Preventing Child Abuse, Return of Innocence

Birthdays

My Prof is 2!

King-Earl calls him “My mummy’s Prof”, His birth name is Eno-Itoro (meaning Gift of Praise) and so many other names. A miracle baby born in the midst of so many unseen battles, but he pulled through and came out smiling.
He showed up on April 1st
The fool’s day they call it
But the joke is on you
Cause a wise man came through
Bringing joy and beauty to all he meets
His laugh is so contagious
You forget about being religious!
He loves water, food is not spared
When it comes to daddy and cars, he just has to be heard!
Eno-Itoro, today we celebrate another year
It feels like you are 3 my dear
As you behave like one wiser beyond his age
For me, it is befitting for unwritten pages!

May all who see you grow be amazed
May the joy that comes natural to you affect them all
May you remain a gift for which praises will ascend
Daily to God for His goodness to your family and all
Happy 2nd birthday my Prof
In you I see God’s love proven

And even when you don’t give me fist bump anymore, I yob you so!