I have read severally about the topic ‘What’s in a name?’ So today for a change, I decided to find out what is really in a fight.
Well, I love fights…is something wrong with me, NOPE! Am I troublesome…? (Thinking, I’ll let my crew answer that and that’s if you have their phone numbers or email addresses then you can ask them. Till then you have to stick with me and believe what I say. winking at the autonomy I hold). Well, I can say I’m mischievous in a sweet way and that’s if you get to understand me. If not, we will constantly be fighting…trying to take territories that aren’t even ours! Vanity, says the Philosopher.
Why do I love ‘fights’? Am I not violent? NOPE! I love a good argument that you can clearly lay out and get the other person to understand you. It doesn’t mean they will accept your reasoning, but at least you have made the point clear and communication flow better. A good fight (not according to Apostle Paul this time) is one that results in good fruits (find the list below and by the way you can add yours) and that what I’m all about today. I always quote to my crew, “I don’t do battles without spoils.” ‘Spoils’ here doesn’t mean I conquered, but that we overcame that hurdle and are the better for it and are a lot better where we are now than where we first began.
The King and I know how to do the good fight and permit me to say, it’s brought us far and made us better. One thing we tell ourselves during it is that “we are not opponents but team members.” And what do team members do, they strive to achieve a common goal. So in these kinds of fight, there are no spoils (the kind you are expecting), but spoils called PEACE to gain and HOT LOVE to enjoy!
A fight tells me the following:
1. We still have unresolved issues in the case of understanding tones, non-verbal communication etc.
2. We care about each other (in a crazy way)
3. It’s time to take a decision
4. Communication lines are going to be unclogged and improved. There will be talking and listening.
5. New commitments will be made
6. Someone just made a decision not to be silent anymore and keep taking it in
7. Self-realisation – that there more to me than who I am.
8. The carpet is bulging from too many things being swept under it and not out into the bin where it belongs!
9. We have given up on each other and can’t take “it” anymore? What if it means good bye?
10. My view point may not be the best, even if it’s often difficult to admit that.
Benefits of a good fight:
• A good fight makes you go outside your borders (in understanding that the last time I did this, it didn’t end well, so let me try the new improved method of reaching out to this person).
• It makes you understand the significant other a lot better. For heaven’s sakes, even twins are not alike to the last dot as we erroneously believe talk less of someone you got into a relationship with or got married to. They come from a different ‘planet’, have differing fields of experiences. We try to merge the two and as with all mergers, there will be areas of conflict that need addressing and polishing to smoothen out rough edges.
• A good fight spices up things and the makeup session is something else! Especially for the married ones. Smiling mischievously…again!
• It exposes strengths and weaknesses. We need to be open to our weaknesses and see how they are complemented by the other’s strengths. This produces a great team; a focused team!
Let’s hear your take on this matter. How do you handle fights, what are the benefits you have seen so far? Eagerly waiting to hear. Inbetween: I didn’t have a fight, just wanted to talk about it and hear differently. ❤ 🙂
© 2015. Frances Kelvin Otung. All rights reserved